Learning to love ourselves and our own unique body!
I once saw a commercial featuring a photo shoot of an afghan hound – long hair blowing, like a model. I know for certain that all the dogs who might have seen this were not thinking, I wish I looked like that. I should … (grow out my hair, color my hair, lose weight, work out, be taller …) Dogs naturally love themselves the way they are! Humans are born loving themselves, but may need some reminding that self-love is a good thing.
Self-love is not self-ish. The difference is similar to the words childlike and childish. One is good for the soul and the other is just immature. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. That’s why we are instructed to love our neighbor AS ourself, not before, or more than, or after everyone else.
Self-love is seeing ourselves as worthy of practicing good self-care. Self-care is the way to wellness, a way of living in balance, a way of shifting the focus from ‘fixing what’s wrong’ to accepting, celebrating, and taking care of who we actually are. When we love our perfectly imperfect selves just as we are, we can live fully in the present, not waiting for some magical transformation to happen before we can be happy. It also gives us access to our intuitive wisdom.
Our intuitive wisdom helps us form a protective shield to resist the daily bombardment of harmful images and messages about beauty and health that come from people and corporations that profit from our self-criticism. Just imagine the good that could be created if all the talent in advertising that went into convincing us that we aren’t good enough, was directed instead toward true creative work.
Studies have shown … all kinds of things. The experts contradict each other and change their minds so often, who can we believe? Ourselves. We can each be our own expert in finding the things that work for us as we learn to recognize our own unique requirements for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self-care. We can ask ourselves,”What do I want? How do I feel? What do I look forward to?” and observe without judgement. Learning to then trust the information that comes and act on it.
The inner critic can be just as hurtful as the outer critic. I experienced this on a recent visit to the dermatologist for a skin check. I realized my reluctance to be seen (mostly) naked was me being ashamed of my aging body. (I also had to wonder if part of my feeling invisible as an older woman came from a subconscious belief that I am no longer worthy or willing to be seen.) My daughter helped me to resist the voice of my inner critic by encouraging me not to listen and suggesting I dance in front of the mirror instead. I didn’t dance but I had to laugh. That was enough help me replace my judgmental thoughts with the powerful song from The Greatest Showman, “I’m not scared to be seen. I make no apologies. This is me!”
Choosing love and beauty is the secret to je ne sais quoi – that certain something we know not what. The definition of the word attraction, “the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone” does not mention one particular appearance. The positive change in self-perception and greater appreciation for ourselves ‘as-is’ causes an energetic shift that others are attracted to but cannot identify.
We’ve been told that self love is conceited, but in reality it is self confidence. Confident people know their own true worth. When we can see our own beauty, we are open to seeing beauty in others as well. Self-love reminds us that beauty is so much more than skin deep. As we learn to see more deeply, we see that there is beauty everywhere and we are a part of it.
We declare our authentic beauty by choosing to see and express ourselves just as we are. What a relief to be able to put down the burdens – of judgement, comparison, perfectionism, and shame – when we decide to love ourselves.
I highly recommend these two sources for encouraging self-love:
Vivienne McMaster offers #Beyourownbeloved – an on-line course using selfies as a tool for body acceptance and self compassion.
embody Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!) by Connie Sobczak